(7.29.26) ... WHAT?
meh, im ok with the habits ive grown since distancing myself from making online friends. I do not want friends who acknowledge my paranoia towards people and thinking they secretly hate me or treat me differently on purpose and then act like they're surprised when I act said way. I was working when I realized it today, and all I can feel is peace and hope for the future for when i can live in peace with my thoughts, surrounded by people who really, truly get me. i talk with my therapist tomorrow and hopefully we can figure this out together, as ive had new epiphanies about myself and my thoughts, making me calmer than i think i've been in years. We can achieve peace
(7.27.26) ... STAGES OF GRIEF
there's a previsional(?) diagnosis for BPD attached to me right now, and I am willing to get tested for schizoaffective disorder, which is what my therapist and I will be talking about this coming thursday. but anyway, talking to my therapist, i realize my need for constant reassurance due to my paranoia and jealousy, both problems I and everyone in my life already acknowledges, I'm happier now that i realize the people who can help me have been around me this whole time, and i'm becoming okay with letting go of people who don't! i realize the hypocrisy i see in people, and even myself, is normal, and all we can do is move forward. this isn't a note to anyone, just a thought i've had, haha
(5.13.26) ... ORDINARY EVIL (UPDATED 7.27.26)
redacted because i have a therapist actually! plus, im actually at peace with my life now that my therapist talked to me about what this was about haha - nothing is crueller than children who come from good homes. God'll forgive them, I guess, but who's side are you on? Driving around the old town, I remember it all; dropping my lunchbox and tampax all over the hall! And they'd say... YOU ARE A SOCIALIST COKEHEAD, WE KNOW FROM YOUR CLOTHES. YOU ARE A SATANIST, WORSHIPPER OF THINGS EVIL.
(5.10.26) ... HELLO?
hello? hello? Happy mothers day. hello? hello? I have work today hello o_o We go years without it, whats another couple days Anyway Wanyway Nanywyay Updating site. Updating... Site... a bunch. Very fun, btw. I hope everyone I know and Love gets into coding at least once, Thank you. I gave my mom a build a bear plush for mothers day that i made when i went to a mall for the first time. at least the first time i can remember anyway She likes the smell of lavendar So It shall be scented Lavender. Lavandar? Lavender. Right.
(3.25.26) ... UMMMMM
I regret a lot today, but I am meeting my therapist for the first time on April 1st -- I think I'll like being alone for the sake of my improvement and others' safety, haha. Will be starting my new meds at 12 AM, (abilify), which i've heard helps with mood and outbursts ^_^ though in some cases it does the opposite, I'm not talking to anyone for a while, so I should be able to talk to a professional about my medicine and what I need without doing anything drastic in public, heh
(3.23.26) ...
i always feel so weird when i get good news about my life and then something terrible happens
it's like a mood stabilizer and i always feel so empty about anything good or bad that happens after or beforehand -- i did get a job, though! it makes me happy to know i can save for my future and have money for oc merch, but (EDITED OUT.)
(3.22.26) ... YAY
ok didn't realize i put february for the blog posts instead of march actual dumbass over here
i finally figured out how to make the galerry scrollable, because if it wasn't scrollable, it would just move the 'LATEST' sidebar around. and it obviously wasn't something I wanted because it looked really gross. never ever letting that happen again bro stop
(3.20.26) ... FIRST BLOG POST
wow this is my first blog post, haha...
took like twelve hours to figure out how to make this textbox scrollable to save space, but it is finally done!!! welcome to the world, sunday's first blog... awwww such a cute baby!!! anyway consider this blog post as a test, because that's basically what it is!!! maybe i'll make a real one soon i dunno heh... umm yep! I love my main 6 I love my train 6 and I love my 6 above so, so, SOOOOOOOO~ much!